![]() ![]() It’s a miracle that Granny and I survived with mere third-degree stench burns and an inability to eat solid food for a month. The HyperBad Breath Ray is icky beyond belief. The lip-lock/hug-lock combo always works. Then the Bugzoid X-9000’s robotic arms squeezed her in an industrial-strength huglock. She sounded like a sick rat with a kazoo in its mouth. She tried to scream, but since her lips were locked tight, she just hummed a great buzz of pain. The Bugzoid’s mechanical lips clenched Queen Smellina’s in a hyper-vise-grip and zapped her. One touch of my Electro-Lip-Lock SmoocherZapper button and it was all over. Smellina closed her eyes and finally found the words: “Hunky-you fascinating fellow you-kiss me!” “okIE-dokIE,” said Hunky, and boy, what a kiss. I moved the Bugzoid’s hunky lips even closer and puckered them up. How ’bout a big kisSY-wisSY?” This was getting sickening, but it was working. “BeauTIful, smelLY, and such A way WITH words,” purred the robot. Queen Smellina was too love struck to talk properly: “Blah, bloo, blub, blub. “EnchantING fragrance you ARE wearing, Your Royal StinKIness.” He winked. Using the remote, I inched the Bugzoid X-9000 closer to the queen. So gaga she didn’t notice that Hunky Valentine was actually the Bugzoid X-9000, my patented robotic, remote-controlled, jet-propelled bug-zapper. I’d heard she was a sucker for muscle-bound loverbugs, and now she was gaga in love. The bad breath ray she had been ready to hack leaked out of her ears and drifted away. It seemed like her brain had come unplugged. ![]() ![]() Queen Smellina stopped in midair and her eyes glazed over. AND I am IN LOVE.” Except he stretched out “love” for about ten seconds: “LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE.” He wiggled his fingers at her, doing one of those corny love waves. Strangely, he put accents on the wrong syllables. He flashed a loverboy smile and spoke in a super-low, romantic voice. He looked like a gigantic insect movie star-very musclebound, very handsome-well, you know, for an insect. But wait! A huge male flying insect appeared from around the corner of Gritty City City Bank. “SHRIEK! SHRIEK! SHRIEK! SHHHHHHRRRRRRRRIEEEEEEEEEEK. It meant she was about to finish us off with one final hack of horribleness. THE TRASH! HA, HA, HEE, HEE, HA!” Then her laugh turned into a shriek. Queen Smellina looked down at us and smiled her evil smile. I reached into my holster for my Amazing Techno Dude Handheld Remote, punched in the secret code, and hit Enter. Granny and I dove into a Dumpster as the ray slammed into its side. Five-year-olds don’t usually hack deadly bad-breath rays though. Any five-year-old could make a joke like that. “YOU GET IT? STANK INSTEAD OF THANK? HEE, HEE, HEE, HEE, HEE! I CRACK ME UP!” She always explains her jokes. “WELL, STANK YOU VERY MUCH!” Smellina cackled. The screen of my Amazing Techno Dude Deluxe TV Helmet shattered, and I inhaled a massive dose of blistering disgustingness. “You wish, you butt-backwards old biddy!” she said before hacking again: “HA-HA-HA-HA-HAHHHHHAAACKKKKK!!!” Her stench hit me like an atomic stink bomb. “There’s a lot more where that came from, idiot-box boy!” “Lady insect stinky, trap your shut!” yelled Granny. To see the ray bounce off of five skyscrapers and out over Gritty City Harbor. The hot, glowing stench burned my eyebrows. ![]() “HA-HA-HA-HAHHHHAAACKKKKK!!!!!!” “Stenchfire! Incoming!” I shouted, diving hard to the right. Then she lunged forward and hacked a huge horrible hurl of her Hyper-Bad Breath Ray right at us. Queen Smellina froze like an ugly floating statue for a few seconds. Followed by my shoes, socks, and the other glove. One of my gloves ripped off and flew into her mouth. Queen Smellina arched her back way back and sucked in an enormous breath. “Stinkypants Miss Little, yeah!” yelled Granny the Bodacious Backwards Woman. “GOOD MORNING, STUPID HEROES!” “Good ’til you stunk it up!” I yelled back. The queen smiled a huge, superloony smile and screamed. Hovering six stories above us, surrounded by a vomit-green haze, her outstretched wings cast a shadow over Gritty City City Hall. Number one on the Slimy Sleazeball Superchart for 137 weeks in a row. Queen Smellina the Shrieking Stinkbug of Stench is a very smelly, very evil, very insane flyinginsect–supervillain lady. I don’t have supersmelling powers or anything. Even this dedication is dedicated to Dru.Ĭhapter 8: Scrambled Mayhem for BreakfastĬhapter 23: Home Is Where the Many Weird Superheroes AreĬhapter 24: One Last Chapter, Leading to More ChaptersĪfterwards About the Author Other Books by Peter Hannan Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher The words, pictures, and punctuation are all dedicated to Dru. ![]()
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